3-5-2025
What the hell is it about me trying to have one fucking normal day that makes the Powers That Be sit up and go Ummm?… no, Dean. Can?’t happen...


2-27-2025
I am in the midst of trying to get cable at my place. Comcast is an extremely dedicated company. Dedicated to driving people to the edge of fucking sanity. I tried to sign up via internet first. That went something like this...


2-14-2025
Every couple of years I go clothes shopping whether I need to or not. Right after Christmas, it became apparent that most of my clothes were a little too old (navy) for me to continue wearing for too much longer. I needed to get some clothes that don?’t make me look like I am still in college...


1-29-2025
In the middle of the night I got up to get a drink and then figured that since it's my house, chances are no one moved anything while I was asleep. So I strolled down the stairs into the darkness toward the kitchen like I knew where I was going. My theory was flawed. It turns out that someone moved the doorway to the kitchen exactly the width of one pinky toe. My toe hit that thing so hard that some of the plaster came out from the wallboard on the other side...


1-10-2025
This year I?’m going to make an effort to commit to a few resolutions. I will also try and set a few that I can?’t miss, so I don?’t feel like a douche for failing at everything. Things like ?“Gain 10 pounds?”, ?“Stop eating Feces?”, and ?“Poison a hobo?”. You?’re on your own with these, by the way...


1-4-2025
So I was staggering through the aisles, using my shopping cart as a sort of walker, determined to buy only the products that were funny of their own accord. I left with two items. Meatloaf and cock flavored soup...


12-31-2007
I always figured selling snack foods was like selling any other thing people can't live without. In the words of Dennis Leary, "You could call cigarettes 'Tumors' and people would line up around the block to buy them." Likewise, a "Roll O' Shitrags" would sell just fine without being called "Bathroom Tissue" because people have asses and eat things like Raging Ranch corn chips...


12-10-2007
Sometimes there are things that happen in your life that force you to listen to your instincts...


10-26-2007
With Christmas just around the corner (yeah, I know it's October- just check out your local mall for evidence to the contrary) I have been doing some thinking...most of my friends are just like me as far as giving/receiving gifts- They have everything they need, and if they find something they want, they'll buy it themselves. Since we are all male, we usually just ignore the gift-giving holidays. If you get a gift from a male friend, it is because his wife bought it and made him sign the card....


10-26-2007
I think I may have missed the part of growing up where it became fun to make drinking into a kind of competition where the goal was to lose....